


Guilty Feelings

by ThornWild



Series: Moments [3]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, broodyness, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-23
Updated: 2013-01-23
Packaged: 2017-11-26 15:30:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/651832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThornWild/pseuds/ThornWild
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Willow's will-be-done spell, Buffy has some serious thinking to do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilty Feelings

Buffy’s in her dorm room, lying fully clothed on her bed. Willow’s at the library, studying. She’s been doing that a lot for the past couple of days, presumably still feeling guilty about the whole will be done spell thing. Buffy doesn’t think she’s avoiding her, exactly… More like giving her some space. And she feels okay with that.

She’s been spending as much time as she can with Riley recently, trying to get to know him better, trying to figure him out. He’s nice. Sweet, even. Perhaps a little _too_ sweet, at times… It’s not that she doesn’t like him. She really, really does. He’s a good person, and he’s gorgeous, and he’s really into her. But the whole thing makes her feel sort of uneasy. She’s used to it hurting more.

There’s something else, as well. Every time she’s near him, every time she thinks about what a relationship with him might be like, her mind slips back to those few hours when she thought she loved Spike.

No, not thought… Did. She _did_ love Spike. The thought of it disgusts her now, but she clearly remembers feeling it. Remembers wanting to be with him forever. Remembers wanting _him_. 

If she’s honest with herself, she supposes that he _is_ attractive enough, in an undead sort of way… But still, he’s _Spike_. He’s an evil, blood-sucking thing. He doesn’t have a soul, like Angel. He doesn’t feel love or remorse, and if it weren’t for his current inability to hurt anyone anymore, she would have staked him by now. She isn’t quite sure why she hasn’t, since it’s obvious that he doesn’t really know anything about these commando boys. At this point, she’d probably have better luck asking around campus than talking to William the Bloody.

She sighs, turning over on her side, and her mind drifts back to a pair of strikingly blue eyes. She loved him, passionately… Remembering all that, it’s hard for her to hate him anymore. It was a spell, of course, but part of it still lingers, in the memories. Occasionally, she even imagines going over to Giles’s place to interrogate the vampire, and ‘accidentally’ kissing him again, just to see what would happen, how it would feel. She shakes her head violently. She shouldn’t even be thinking that…

She’s Buffy. She’s the Vampire Slayer. She _slays_ vampires, she doesn’t _kiss_ them. And anyway, once again, this is _Spike_. It’s _icky_.

So why can’t she help but think it?


End file.
